And so it begins…

After fourteen, going on fifteen, months of trying to get pregnant I decided I need an outlet to voice (or write) my struggle that I hope one day will become a success story. I’ve never been much of a writer, and this is my first blogging experience, so please bear with me!

I’ll start from the beginning. I’m Sarah, 27 years old (almost 28), and M (31 years old) and I have been married for 4 years, together for almost 9 years. We have very much enjoyed our DINK time, but since May 2014 we’ve been wanting to add human babies to our family of two fur babies (Australian Shepherd rescue pups).

I started taking birth control pills shortly after M and I started dating. We were in college, definitely not ready for kids, and it had the added bonus of regulating my periods and lessening PMS symptoms (cramps, moodiness). May 2014 was the first time in 8 years I wasn’t taking my birth control, and it was exciting to think that soon we would get pregnant! Of course I forgot about the painful cramping that returned the very first month off the pill. And then there’s not knowing when to expect my period, or thinking it’s late when it’s not.

It took maybe 6 months for my body to adjust to being off the pill, and then I started noticing all of these weird symptoms – sore boobs, bloating, body aches. Apparently as a teenager I paid absolutely no attention to how my body changes throughout my cycle. Every month when I feel these changes I thought… This is it! Finally pregnant! After a while, I would tell myself not to get my hopes up. And yet, every month my symptoms would let me convince myself that… This is it, finally!

After about 13 months, I saw my gyno to discuss our lack of pregnancy and more of my period history. My mom had endometriosis, my painful cramping, the fact that sometimes in certain positions sex can be painful. She ordered some bloodwork (TSH, FSH and prolactin) and a semen analysis for M. M’s results came back normal, though we haven’t seen the details. My bloodwork came back with “normal” TSH and prolactin (1.43 and 4.6), but a “higher than expected for my age” FSH level of 10. I was devastated. All this time trying, tracking my BBT, using ovulation predictor kits, taking prenatal vitamins, and I may not actually be ovulating. I immediately called a Reproductive Center to make an appointment, which unfortunately isn’t until the end of September.

I couldn’t just wait for two and a half months, not knowing what’s wrong or what I could do to help. Last week I went to an acupuncturist to start something, anything that will help my body move in the right direction. I started taking chinese herbs, and I’ll be having weekly acupuncture treatments. This may not be the “right” thing to do, I know Eastern medicine has it’s share of nay-sayers. But it feels good to be doing something.

This past Sunday I got my period. Again.  After thinking, once again, that I had finally gotten pregnant. First thing Monday morning I called my gyno to see if there are any more tests or things to try before my appointment with the Reproductive Specialist. I must have sounded hysterical. But now I have a hysterosalpingography (HSG) scheduled for next Monday. Although I’m a little worried about the procedure, I’m hopeful that it will at least give us more insight as to what we’re up against.

In some ways our life has been on hold the past fourteen months, and we continue to wait. Waiting, not knowing if or when we will get pregnant, all the while not sharing this experience, has been very difficult. Lonely. Isolating. Stressful.

I’m grateful for this outlet to share my feelings of sadness, hope, and hopefully one day triumph.